These parenting tweets have had us laughing hard this week!
1st child: Has everything sanitized.
2nd child: Gets cleaned occasionally.
3rd child: Drinks water out of the dog bowl.
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) July 3, 2017
ME: I have a surprise for you
SON: OMG IS IT FOOD
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) July 2, 2017
*Starts a GoFundMe to support my toddler's bandaid habit*
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) June 26, 2017
I measure car trips with my kids by the movies they watch.
This one was four Harry Potters long.
I no longer fear the Cruciatus Curse.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) July 3, 2017
A woman at Trader Joe's just made a bird call to summon her husband and child and I can't tell if I'm frightened or in love with her.
— Elizabeth (@Elizasoul80) June 28, 2017
I just had to tell my kid that we don't drink water using a fork
— dadpression (@Dadpression) July 1, 2017
To prepare for parenting, try taking a shower in under three minutes while repeatedly shouting "WHAT'S GOING ON OUT THERE"
— Janina Maria (@dontlosethekids) July 3, 2017
Shoutout to my kids for carting home a gallon of sand in their bathing suits; just in time to replace the glitter of '09 I finally cleaned.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) July 3, 2017
If you see a 7yo wandering on the side of the highway, she's mine. She said she didn't like cheese so I had to abandon her. You get it.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 3, 2017
Tell your kids the plane flying overhead is surveillance for Santa because he cracks down on his naughty list in July.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) June 26, 2017
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