Need to take a minute to unwind? Read this week’s funniest tweets from parents.
Me: Once upon a time a child fell asleep at bedtime.
5yo: I've never heard this bedtime story.
Me: That's because it's never happened.
— jj hartinger (@jjhartinger) May 1, 2017
If reading bedtime stories to my son has taught me anything, it's that mice lead much fuller, exciting lives than I do.
— Beauty & The Meh (@TheAlexNevil) May 1, 2017
11 concerts I've been to:
1) Yeah, right. I have kids.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 29, 2017
I'm sorry, officer, I know it sounds like I'm murdering angry, feral cats, but I'm just trying to put my daughter's hair in a ponytail.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) April 25, 2017
Me: "Did you take 4y.o's toy?"
5y.o: "Did you see me do it?"
Me: "No, but-"
5: "-then NOPE! Didn't do it."
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) May 1, 2017
Lower your expectations for a relaxing weekend.
Yes. Right there.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) April 29, 2017
If you want kids, you better work on your stand-up routine: You sit down, your kids ask for something, you stand up. Repeat.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) May 1, 2017
My daughter made some cookies and fed them to me while I was half asleep. I now know what Play-Doh tastes like.
— Asrif (@asrif) April 26, 2017
If you think you're having a bad morning, my son is crying because his sock doesn't feel right.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 1, 2017
Fun fact: Toddlers who have only had half a nap are completely psychotic and should not be taken on outings to the grocery store.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) April 30, 2017