Enjoy our collection of funny parenting tweets this week.
Teaching my kid math like:
If swimming lessons start in 3 minutes and the pool is 10 minutes away, how late are we going to be?
— Tiffany Hunter (@lifeattiffanys) January 23, 2017
If looks could kill, the look my 7yo just gave me for eating the last cookie would have not only killed me, but left a mile-wide crater.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) June 27, 2017
Kids everywhere are fighting global warming by leaving doors open and air conditioning the outside.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) June 24, 2017
Friend: What's that thing where you're always tired but can never get rest?
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) June 12, 2017
Being a Dad isn't just about eating a huge bag of gummy-bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word hero.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 18, 2017
Kid's summer schedule:
Fight next to my body in the fetal position
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) June 21, 2017
wife: I'm so mad at you guys!
son: Hi so mad at you guys I'm-
me *covers his mouth before he gets us both killed*
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) June 23, 2017
Parenting is pouring yourself a cup of coffee at 7pm just to have enough energy to put the kids to bed and enjoy your Sunday night.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) June 11, 2017
"Dad, can I have a snack?"
Uh, maybe… but why don't you focus on eating that heaping pile of food that's in front of you first?
— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) June 22, 2017
Me: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
5yo: "A unicorn."
Me:"No, a job."
5: "People would pay to see me if I was a unicorn, Mom!"
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) June 26, 2017
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