Rough Monday? Enjoy our weekly collection of funny parenting tweets.
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Welcome to parenthood.
Your outdoor rocks are indoor rocks now.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) May 4, 2018
One of the most underrated features of the dadbod is that the midsection doubles as a cushioned play area for small children.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 2, 2018
My daughter's grandmother doesn't have a magic wand, but she does have an Amazon Prime account.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) May 6, 2018
13: So what do you want for Mother's Day?
Me: For you kids to not fight.
13: Let's be realistic, mom.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) May 6, 2018
A woman is able to conjure up superhuman strength when her child is in danger and when she wants to rearrange the furniture.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 7, 2018
Some kids are good sleepers, others are good at screaming and spilling juice.
I have one of each, because balance.
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) May 3, 2018
To 4yo: Did you know I met mommy before you did?
4yo: Mommy's mine.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) April 29, 2018
The life span of an umbrella that belongs to a child is 2.5 days.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) May 7, 2018
Wife: Why is our son wearing a helmet inside?
Me: Have you even met him?
— The Dad (@thedad) May 6, 2018
Not to brag, but my kids just unloaded the entire dishwasher without me asking, or without them noticing that the dishwasher had not been run.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) May 7, 2018
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